This blog post is based on insights from Einzelgänger’s YouTube video: “The Backwards Law: Why the Pursuit of Happiness Makes You Unhappy” with philosophical commentary from Alan Watts and Arthur Schopenhauer.
Introduction: The Pink Elephant in Your Mind
Close your eyes and try not to think about a pink elephant.
Did it work? Probably not. In fact, the harder you tried to banish that bright pink pachyderm from your mind, the more vivid it probably became. This isn’t a failure of willpower—it’s a glimpse into one of life’s most powerful and paradoxical truths.
The Backwards Law (also called the “Law of Reversed Effort”) is a philosophical principle that turns everything we think we know about success and happiness upside down. Coined by British philosopher Alan Watts and rooted in centuries of Eastern wisdom, this law proposes something that sounds completely absurd at first: the more you pursue something, the more you achieve the opposite of what you truly want.
In this article, we’ll explore why your constant striving for happiness might be the very thing keeping you miserable, how German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer predicted this psychological trap centuries ago, and—most importantly—how to use this paradoxical wisdom to finally find the contentment you’ve been chasing.
What Is the Backwards Law? Understanding the Paradox of Willpower
The Backwards Law isn’t about giving up or becoming lazy. It’s about recognizing a fundamental truth of human psychology: effort creates resistance.
Alan Watts, who popularized this concept in the West, explained it with elegant simplicity: “When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float.”
Think about it:
- The harder you try to fall asleep, the more awake you become
- The more you cling to a relationship, the more suffocated your partner feels
- The tighter you hold your breath, the sooner you lose it
This is what Watts called “the paradox of willpower.” Willpower works brilliantly for external goals—running a marathon, building a business, learning a language. But it completely backfires when applied to internal states like happiness, peace, or contentment.
The Science of Striving vs. Allowing
Modern psychology backs this up. When we forcefully suppress thoughts or emotions, we actually strengthen them through a phenomenon called ironic process theory. The very act of monitoring whether we’re “not thinking” about something keeps it active in our working memory.
As bestselling author Mark Manson puts it: “Pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.”
Why We Can’t Stop Chasing: Schopenhauer’s “Will to Live”
To understand why we fall into this trap repeatedly, we need to go back to 19th-century German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. His concept of the “Will to Live” (Wille zum Leben) explains the biological and psychological machinery behind our endless striving.
Schopenhauer argued that humans aren’t primarily rational beings—we’re wanting beings. Behind every thought and action lies an irrational, blind impulse to strive, acquire, and survive. This “will” isn’t conscious or directed; it’s simply restless.
The Trap of Perpetual Dissatisfaction
Here’s the cruel irony Schopenhauer identified: the will can never be satisfied.
When we fulfill one desire, another immediately takes its place. When we have nothing left to want, we fall into boredom—which is just another form of suffering. As Schopenhauer wrote: “Thus also every keen pleasure is an error and an illusion, for no attained wish can give lasting satisfaction.”
This creates what we might call “the happiness hamster wheel”:
| Stage | What Happens | The Result |
| 1. Lack | You feel something is missing | Dissatisfaction arises |
| 2. Striving | You chase the “solution” (money, love, success) | Temporary motivation |
| 3. Achievement | You get what you wanted | Brief satisfaction |
| 4. Adaptation | The new becomes normal | Boredom or new desires appear |
| 5. Repeat | Back to stage 1 | The cycle continues forever |
Schopenhauer’s conclusion was radical: the only way to escape suffering is the negation of the will itself. Not through achievement, but through acceptance. Through stopping the chase entirely.
The Cloudy Pond: A Zen Metaphor for Finding Clarity
One of the most beautiful illustrations of the Backwards Law comes from Zen Buddhism, often retold by Alan Watts:
Imagine a pond with cloudy water. You want to see the bottom, so you start stirring the water or trying to scoop out the mud with your hands. But the more you agitate the water, the cloudier it becomes. The only way to see the floor is to do absolutely nothing—to sit quietly and let the sediment settle naturally.
The metaphor decoded:
- Cloudy water = Your desires, anxieties, and dissatisfaction
- Stirring the water = Your forceful attempts to “fix” your happiness
- Seeing the floor = True contentment, which emerges only when you stop interfering
As the ancient Taoist text Zhuangzi teaches: “He does not store, and therefore he has a superabundance… Men all seek for happiness, but he feels complete in his imperfect condition.”
Real-World Examples: Where the Backwards Law Shows Up
This isn’t just abstract philosophy. The Backwards Law operates in nearly every area of human life:
1. Relationships and Love
The more you try to make someone love you—through excessive attention, jealousy, or people-pleasing—the more you push them away. Genuine connection emerges from self-sufficiency, not neediness.
For example:
Sarah constantly texted her new boyfriend, worried he would lose interest. Her anxiety made her clingy and demanding, which actually created the distance she feared. Only when she focused on her own life and stopped monitoring his responses did the relationship naturally deepen.
2. Sleep and Relaxation
Insomnia often isn’t caused by lack of tiredness—it’s caused by the effort to sleep. The anxiety about “needing” to get 8 hours keeps your nervous system alert.
The paradox: When you stop trying to sleep and simply rest peacefully, sleep often arrives uninvited.
3. Creativity and Performance
Writer’s block frequently stems from trying too hard to be brilliant. The pressure to produce something perfect paralyzes the natural creative flow.
For example:
A novelist who forces herself to write 2,000 “perfect” words daily often produces wooden prose. When she shifts to “messy first drafts” and playful exploration, her best work emerges effortlessly.
4. Confidence and Self-Esteem
Trying to “build confidence” through affirmations or power poses often backfires because it reinforces the belief that you lack confidence. True confidence comes from accepting your flaws, not hiding them.
5. Wealth and Abundance
The desperate pursuit of money often creates scarcity mindset—no matter how much you earn, it never feels like enough. Financial peace comes from contentment with what you have, which paradoxically often leads to better financial decisions.
How to Apply the Backwards Law: 5 Practical Strategies
Understanding this paradox is one thing; living it is another. Here are concrete ways to stop the counterproductive striving:
1. Shift from Outcomes to Actions
Focus on what you can control—your daily behaviors—rather than uncontrollable results. As performance coach Ryan Munsey advises: “Focus on actions, not outcomes.”
Instead of: “I must be happy by Friday” Try: “Today I’ll take a walk, call a friend, and cook a good meal”
2. Practice Radical Acceptance
When negative emotions arise, don’t fight them. Acknowledge them with curiosity rather than judgment. Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience; fighting it means you suffer twice.
3. Use the “Let It Be” Technique
When you catch yourself forcing something (sleep, creativity, calm), consciously drop the effort. Literally tell yourself: “I don’t need this to happen. I’m fine either way.” This removes the pressure that was blocking the natural process.
4. Embrace “Wu Wei” (Effortless Action)
Borrowed from Taoism, Wu Wei means acting without forced effort—like water flowing around rocks rather than crashing against them. Do what needs doing, but without the anxious attachment to results.
5. Lower the Bar for Contentment
Mark Manson suggests: If you’d significantly lower the threshold for what makes you happy, your feeling of inadequacy will decrease.
Try appreciating small moments rather than requiring major achievements to feel okay.
FAQ: Common Questions About the Backwards Law
Q.1 Does this mean I should never set goals or have ambitions?
Absolutely not. The Backwards Law doesn’t advocate for passivity or giving up. It distinguishes between external achievements (where effort works) and internal states (where effort backfires). You can build a business through hard work, but you can’t force yourself to feel peaceful through hard work.
Q.2. Is this just “giving up” disguised as wisdom?
No—it’s actually the opposite. True giving up is resigning yourself to misery. The Backwards Law is an active embrace of the present moment. It takes courage to stop running from discomfort and sit with what is.
Q.3. How do I know if I’m “trying too hard”?
Check your body. Are you tense? Is your jaw clenched? Are you monitoring your progress obsessively? These are signs of forced effort. Ease feels open, spacious, and curious—even when facing difficulties.
Q.4. Can this work for serious problems like depression or anxiety?
The Backwards Law offers a philosophical framework, not a clinical treatment. While acceptance-based approaches (like ACT therapy) are evidence-based for anxiety and depression, serious mental health conditions require professional support. This wisdom complements, but doesn’t replace, medical care.
Q.5. What did Alan Watts mean by “you already have what you want”?
Watts suggested we can’t define true happiness because we already possess it—we just obscure it with constant seeking. Like searching for your glasses while wearing them on your head, or trying to find your keys while holding them. The seeking creates the illusion of absence.
The Deepest Truth: You Are Already Complete
Here’s the radical invitation the Backwards Law extends to all of us:
Stop trying to become happy, and discover that happiness is your natural state when you’re not trying to change it.
When you stop trying to be perfect, you feel perfect in your imperfection. When you accept loneliness, you find you’re content alone. When you stop grasping for abundance, you realize you already have enough—and anything extra is a bonus, not a necessity.
As Alan Watts beautifully summarized: “The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.”
The pink elephant in your mind? Let it be. The cloudy water? Stop stirring. The happiness you’re chasing? It’s already here, waiting for you to stop running long enough to notice it.
Conclusion: Your Invitation to Stop Striving
The Backwards Law isn’t a technique to master—it’s a perspective to adopt. It asks us to question the fundamental assumption that we must do something to be something. In a world obsessed with hustle, optimization, and self-improvement, this counterintuitive wisdom feels like a breath of fresh air.
Key takeaways:
- Willpower works for external goals but backfires for internal peace
- Your constant striving reinforces the sense that you lack what you seek
- Acceptance—not achievement—is the path to contentment
- When you stop trying to possess happiness, you find you already have it
Here’s my question for you: What area of your life are you currently “stirring the water” in? What would happen if, just for today, you stopped trying so hard and simply let things be?
Source & Credit
This blog post is based on insights from Einzelgänger’s YouTube video: “The Backwards Law: Why the Pursuit of Happiness Makes You Unhappy” with philosophical commentary from Alan Watts and Arthur Schopenhauer.
The original content has been translated, expanded, and repurposed for educational purposes.
